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to depressed to put it into words but I'll try   
04:07pm 11/02/2007
mood: depressed
me and cy had another BIG fight. it was so bad that he almost broke up with me.  it was over what we always fight about... MY PARENTSIt's always over the same stuff. Like how they treat me and going through my bank account and shit like that. I mean I'm 21 fucking years old let me fucking act like it. i think they treat me like that cuz of the way i act but i act like that cuz of the way they treat me. UGH it's a never fucking ending cycle. i'm scared that i'm going to loose him and i don't want it. i love him to death.  GOD HOW I FUCKING HATE THIS.  i spent a better part of the day crying and my mother wasn't making me feel any better she was making me feel more like shit. *sigh*  well i'm off
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10:24pm 16/09/2006
mood: sad

I will never be good enough for you

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stupid fucking meds >.   
10:02pm 30/07/2006
mood: stupid meds
I hate the meds they have me on for my back.  I hate the way they make me feel. I feel all deressed and crap but I need to take em to help with the pain in my back. *sigh*  Well on the plus side I got  to see Cy today!! So that made me feel tons bette :D
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I don't want to be like this anymore   
11:04pm 01/08/2005
mood: depressed
I hate the way he is makeing me feel. He doesn't know how I'm feeling cuz I keep it all inside.  Things just don't feel the same anymore.  I can tell that things have totally changed.  I'm scared to say something, sacred that he will end it all. I just want things to be how they were. I'm so confused.  I'm crying out for help can't anyone hear me?  Won't anyone help me?  I'm so fucking depressed I wanna make pictures on my wrists and draw pictures with the blood.  Either that or just imagine what everything would be like with out me.  I don't want to feel hurt, sad, depressed,like crying anymore.  I just want to be ok. Will somebody help me be ok?
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What my Birthdate means   
02:27pm 01/08/2005
mood: bored

Your Birthdate: November 2

Your birth on the 2nd day of the month adds a degree of emotion, sensitivity, and intuition to your life.

The 2 is a very social number allowing you to make friends easily and quickly.

Yet you are apt to have a rather nervous air in the company of a large group.

You have a warmhearted nature and emotional understanding that constantly seeks affection.

You are more prone than most to become depressed and moody, as emotions can turn inward and cause anxiety and mental turmoil.

It can be hard for you to bounce back to reality when depression sets in.

11:28am 01/08/2005
mood: contemplative

Sometimes the person you least expect to stab you in the back, is the one that stabs the hardest!
02:30pm 21/07/2005
mood: I feel hella emo
I don't know why but I hella feel like crying. I said this while I was on the phone with my boyfriend and he called me emo. Then he told his friend andrew that his girlfriend was emo. but then again he was stoned so yea....

*goes in a corner and crys*
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11:58am 18/07/2005
mood: blah
Well today really sucked.  This morning my mom tells me that my gramma passed away @ like 1:40 this morning.  Then I did something which I prolly shouldn't have done I drank and I hella freaked out.    Note to self:  Never drink again!!!! I mean to me it's not worth it.  So I don't think I'll be doing it anytime soon.  I think I've learned my lesson.  So yea no drinking for me for a looooonnnnnggggg time.
Job Interview   
10:45am 15/07/2005
mood: anxious
Today I have a job interview. I mean don't get me wrong I'm really excited but also really nervous at the same time. Well wish me luck!!!!!!!! I'll let y'all know how I do!
This hella sux   
05:48pm 10/07/2005
mood: sad
Well I just got a phone call from my dad. He went down to see my gramma.  I asked how she was doing and he told me that all she wants to do is stay in bed.  I can't believe that she was sitting in her rockin chair just last weekend.  I just can't believe that in only a week she has gotten so bad.  I just hope I get to see her one last time. 
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my weekend so far   
04:53pm 09/07/2005
mood: busy
Yesterday I had a lot of fun. Went over to Anna's house and chilled. When we got bored of chillin we walked to Stoner Park. I bet you'll never guess what we did there. Your right we sat and talked! Then after about an hour of that we walked back to Anna's house. I felt like suck a dork cuz I passed out on her floor at about 10. Then this morning we started watching Point Blank. Very good movie! About half way through the movie we went out with Anna's mom then we came home and finished the movie and now here I am at home updating!
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awwwww how cute   
07:12pm 08/07/2005
mood: sitting in Anna's room
To the boyz who luv their girlz!!!

1 . Tell her she is beautiful, not hot

2 . Hold her hand at any moment even if it just for a second.

3 . Kiss her on the forehead.

4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.

5 . Always tell her how beautiful she is, no matter what she's wearing.

6 . When she is upset hold her tight and tell her how much

she means to you.

7 . Recognize the small things . . . THEY USUALLY MEAN THE MOST!

8 . Call her baby

9 . Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.

10 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.

11 . Write her notes. {she loves them}

12 . Introduce her to family and friends as your girlfriend.

13 . Play with her hair.

14 . Pick her up, tickle her and play-wrestle with her.

15 . Sit in the park and just talk to her.

16 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes.

17 . Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night just because you missed her.

18 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.

19 . Carve your names into a Tree.

20 . If she's mad at you, apologize because SHE is always right.


22 . Bring her Flowers just because.

23 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when
you're alone.

24 . Look her in the eyes and smile.

25 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.

26 . Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing.

27 . Kiss her in the rain.

28 . If your in love with her . . . Tell her
I couldn't be happier......   
03:01pm 08/07/2005
mood: enthralled
....... because my boyfriend is FINALLY home. He got home at like 4 in the morning and I was really happy that he decided not to call me. But he did call me later that morning =)  Now I just can't wait to see him
No more cutting   
03:21pm 05/07/2005
mood: depressed

Well I'm hella depressed and feel like cuttin.  But I made a promise to myself and a couple of friends that I wouldn't do it anymore.  Man this going to be hard for me to stop.  It was the only way I could release how I was feeling.  Well wish me luck cuz I know I'm going to need it.

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04:28pm 04/07/2005
mood: my hand is swollen and hurts

Well this weekend I went down to  Fresno to see my gramma.  I was really happy that I got to see her but also sad at the same time.   It was really weird to see her like that when at the end of April or May she looked perfectly fine.  I broke down and  cried  because I couldn't stand to see her the way she is.  Man this hella sux. I mean really bad. To make things even better, while I was swimming in my aunt's pool I got bit by a baby wasp. Now my left and some of my arm is swollen.  Well I'm off I'll keep you updated.



Random Blah Blahness   
06:57pm 28/06/2005
mood: blah

Well I guess you can say things are going alright now. My b/f comes home in like 2 weeks =) and my sister comes home in 4 days!  But on the heavier side my grandma isn't getting better.  I really don't know what to do.  One of my friends told me that I should go and spend some time with her. I mean I want to but there is a small part that doesn't want to see her.  GAH I don't know what I mean.  Well I'm off I will keep anyone thats interested about how my grandma updated

Heres another poem.   
05:27pm 21/06/2005
mood: discontent

Death is all that surrrounds her

She sees her take her last breath

She goes numb.

She thinks this can't be happening to her.

Everything around her moves slowly, likes it's a dream.

Even though she was by her side she didn't say good bye

She didn't want it to be final,  she didn't think it was real

She can't cope with what just happened. 

But she knows she must.

Only time will tell. 


02:19pm 21/06/2005
mood: This can't be happening
Well last night I found out that my grandma has cancer. It's spread through out her body. The doctors said she has like 2-3 months left to live but we're thinking maybe like1-2 months. I don't know what to do. I mean she lives all the way in Fresno, so it's not that easy for us to see her. So yea I'm hella freaking out. So yea. I love you all. Buh bye
04:34pm 20/06/2005
mood: happy

I thought this was the sweetest thing I've ever read.  It's part of an email from my boyfriend.


Please don´t be sad.  I am going to be home soon and it will all be ok.  I am having a good time and you should be having fun in America too.  I miss you and i have plans for us when i get back, don´t worry.  


Just in case you're a little confused my boyfriend is in Spain for a month and I miss him like crazy.  So yea I thought this was really sweet!

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03:29pm 20/06/2005
mood: happy
MMMMMM icecream is s0o0o0 yummy it makes me happy. *does happy dance*