Heres a story

4:07pm: to depressed to put it into words but I'll try
me and cy had another BIG fight. it was so bad that he almost broke up with me.  it was over what we always fight about... MY PARENTS.  It's always over the same stuff. Like how they treat me and going through my bank account and shit like that. I mean I'm 21 fucking years old let me fucking act like it. i think they treat me like that cuz of the way i act but i act like that cuz of the way they treat me. UGH it's a never fucking ending cycle. i'm scared that i'm going to loose him and i don't want it. i love him to death.  GOD HOW I FUCKING HATE THIS.  i spent a better part of the day crying and my mother wasn't making me feel any better she was making me feel more like shit. *sigh*  well i'm off

10:24pm:

I will never be good enough for you

10:02pm: stupid fucking meds >.
I hate the meds they have me on for my back.  I hate the way they make me feel. I feel all deressed and crap but I need to take em to help with the pain in my back. *sigh*  Well on the plus side I got  to see Cy today!! So that made me feel tons bette :D

11:04pm: I don't want to be like this anymore
I hate the way he is makeing me feel. He doesn't know how I'm feeling cuz I keep it all inside.  Things just don't feel the same anymore.  I can tell that things have totally changed.  I'm scared to say something, sacred that he will end it all. I just want things to be how they were. I'm so confused.  I'm crying out for help can't anyone hear me?  Won't anyone help me?  I'm so fucking depressed I wanna make pictures on my wrists and draw pictures with the blood.  Either that or just imagine what everything would be like with out me.  I don't want to feel hurt, sad, depressed,like crying anymore.  I just want to be ok. Will somebody help me be ok?

2:27pm: What my Birthdate means

Your Birthdate: November 2

Your birth on the 2nd day of the month adds a degree of emotion, sensitivity, and intuition to your life. The 2 is a very social number allowing you to make friends easily and quickly. Yet you are apt to have a rather nervous air in the company of a large group. You have a warmhearted nature and emotional understanding that constantly seeks affection. You are more prone than most to become depressed and moody, as emotions can turn inward and cause anxiety and mental turmoil. It can be hard for you to bounce back to reality when depression sets in.

11:28am:
Sometimes the person you least expect to stab you in the back, is the one that stabs the hardest!

2:30pm: emoness
I don't know why but I hella feel like crying. I said this while I was on the phone with my boyfriend and he called me emo. Then he told his friend andrew that his girlfriend was emo. but then again he was stoned so yea....


*goes in a corner and crys*

11:58am: Well today really sucked.  This morning my mom tells me that my gramma passed away @ like 1:40 this morning.  Then I did something which I prolly shouldn't have done I drank and I hella freaked out.    Note to self:  Never drink again!!!! I mean to me it's not worth it.  So I don't think I'll be doing it anytime soon.  I think I've learned my lesson.  So yea no drinking for me for a looooonnnnnggggg time.

10:45am: Job Interview
Today I have a job interview. I mean don't get me wrong I'm really excited but also really nervous at the same time. Well wish me luck!!!!!!!! I'll let y'all know how I do!

5:48pm: This hella sux
Well I just got a phone call from my dad. He went down to see my gramma.  I asked how she was doing and he told me that all she wants to do is stay in bed.  I can't believe that she was sitting in her rockin chair just last weekend.  I just can't believe that in only a week she has gotten so bad.  I just hope I get to see her one last time. 

4:53pm: my weekend so far
Yesterday I had a lot of fun. Went over to Anna's house and chilled. When we got bored of chillin we walked to Stoner Park. I bet you'll never guess what we did there. Your right we sat and talked! Then after about an hour of that we walked back to Anna's house. I felt like suck a dork cuz I passed out on her floor at about 10. Then this morning we started watching Point Blank. Very good movie! About half way through the movie we went out with Anna's mom then we came home and finished the movie and now here I am at home updating!

7:12pm: awwwww how cute
To the boyz who luv their girlz!!!

1 . Tell her she is beautiful, not hot

2 . Hold her hand at any moment even if it just for a second.

3 . Kiss her on the forehead.

4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.

5 . Always tell her how beautiful she is, no matter what she's wearing.

6 . When she is upset hold her tight and tell her how much

she means to you.

7 . Recognize the small things . . . THEY USUALLY MEAN THE MOST!

8 . Call her baby

9 . Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.

10 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.

11 . Write her notes. {she loves them}

12 . Introduce her to family and friends as your girlfriend.

13 . Play with her hair.

14 . Pick her up, tickle her and play-wrestle with her.

15 . Sit in the park and just talk to her.

16 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes.

17 . Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night just because you missed her.

18 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.

19 . Carve your names into a Tree.

20 . If she's mad at you, apologize because SHE is always right.

21 . CUDDLE

22 . Bring her Flowers just because.

23 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when
you're alone.

24 . Look her in the eyes and smile.

25 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.

26 . Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing.

27 . Kiss her in the rain.

28 . If your in love with her . . . Tell her

3:01pm: I couldn't be happier......
....... because my boyfriend is FINALLY home. He got home at like 4 in the morning and I was really happy that he decided not to call me. But he did call me later that morning =)  Now I just can't wait to see him

3:21pm: No more cutting

Well I'm hella depressed and feel like cuttin.  But I made a promise to myself and a couple of friends that I wouldn't do it anymore.  Man this going to be hard for me to stop.  It was the only way I could release how I was feeling.  Well wish me luck cuz I know I'm going to need it.

4:28pm:

Well this weekend I went down to  Fresno to see my gramma.  I was really happy that I got to see her but also sad at the same time.   It was really weird to see her like that when at the end of April or May she looked perfectly fine.  I broke down and  cried  because I couldn't stand to see her the way she is.  Man this hella sux. I mean really bad. To make things even better, while I was swimming in my aunt's pool I got bit by a baby wasp. Now my left and some of my arm is swollen.  Well I'm off I'll keep you updated.

 

OH! HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!

6:57pm: Random Blah Blahness

Well I guess you can say things are going alright now. My b/f comes home in like 2 weeks =) and my sister comes home in 4 days!  But on the heavier side my grandma isn't getting better.  I really don't know what to do.  One of my friends told me that I should go and spend some time with her. I mean I want to but there is a small part that doesn't want to see her.  GAH I don't know what I mean.  Well I'm off I will keep anyone thats interested about how my grandma updated

5:27pm: Heres another poem.

Death is all that surrrounds her

She sees her take her last breath

She goes numb.

She thinks this can't be happening to her.

Everything around her moves slowly, likes it's a dream.

Even though she was by her side she didn't say good bye

She didn't want it to be final,  she didn't think it was real

She can't cope with what just happened. 

But she knows she must.

Only time will tell. 

 

2:19pm: Well last night I found out that my grandma has cancer. It's spread through out her body. The doctors said she has like 2-3 months left to live but we're thinking maybe like1-2 months. I don't know what to do. I mean she lives all the way in Fresno, so it's not that easy for us to see her. So yea I'm hella freaking out. So yea. I love you all. Buh bye

4:34pm:

I thought this was the sweetest thing I've ever read.  It's part of an email from my boyfriend.

 

Please don´t be sad.  I am going to be home soon and it will all be ok.  I am having a good time and you should be having fun in America too.  I miss you and i have plans for us when i get back, don´t worry.  

 

Just in case you're a little confused my boyfriend is in Spain for a month and I miss him like crazy.  So yea I thought this was really sweet!

3:29pm: MMMMMM icecream is s0o0o0 yummy it makes me happy. *does happy dance*

10:35pm: I really need to get a life

Name:	Hillary
Birthdate:	11/02
Birthplace:	Walnut Creek
Current Location:	Concord Cali
Eye Color:	Blueish greenish
Hair Color:	naturally light brown now it's red with blond at the roots
Height:	5'2
Weight:	Not telling
Piercings:	Just ears more to come
Tatoos:	None.... Yet
Boyfriend/Girlfriend:	Yes
Overused Phraze:	Bite me
FAVORITES
Food:	I have too many
Candy:	whatchamacallit yes thats the name of the candy bar
Number:	98 and 41
Color:	red, blue, green, orange and black
Animal:	Monkey, dog, tiger
Drink:	Dr.Pepper
Alcohol Drink:	Don't have one
Bagel:	Chocolate chip
Letter:	M
Body Part on Opposite sex:	Eyes
This or That
Pepsi or Coke:	Both are alright
McDonalds or BurgerKing:	B.K. I guess
Strawberry or Watermelon:	Strawberry
Hot tea or Ice tea:	It depends
Chocolate or Vanilla	Chocolate
Hot Chocolate or Coffee:	Hot Chocolate
Kiss or Hug:	Both
Dog or Cat:	Dog
Rap or Punk:	Punk
Summer or Winter:	I like em both
Scary Movies or Funny Movies:	Both are good
Love or Money:	Love
YOUR...
Bedtime:	Pretty much whenever I want
Most Missed Memory:	Being a little kid with not having anything to worry about
Best phyiscal feature:	My eyes? I dunno
First Thought Waking Up:	What time is it?
Goal for this year:	To get a job
Best Friends:	All of em
Weakness:	Ummm I don't know
Fears:	Spiders, needles, ending up alone
Heritage:	I'll get back to you
Longest relationship:	A few months
HAVE YOU...
Ever Drank:	yes
Ever Smoked:	no
Pot:	no
Ever been Drunk:	yup
Ever been beaten up:	Nope
Ever beaten someone up:	no
Ever Shoplifted:	no
Ever Skinny Dipped:	No but it sounds like a lot of fun
Ever Kissed Opposite sex:	Umm yea
Been Dumped Lately:	Nope
IN A GUY/GIRL
Favorite Eye Color:	Doesn't matter
Favorite Hair Color:	don't matter
Short or Long:	I like long but it doesn't matter
Height:	Taller than me
Style:	Whatever he's comfortable in
Looks or Personality:	Personality
Hot or Cute	Cute
Drugs and Alcohol:	Whatever
Muscular or Really Skinny:	Somewhere in the middle
RANDOMS
Number of Regrets in the Past:	A lot
What country do you want to Visit:	Um
How do you want to Die:	In my sleep
Been to the Mall Lately:	No
Do you like Thunderstorms:	No they scare me
Get along with your Parents:	For the most part
Health Freak:	kinda
Do you think your Attractive:	Nope
Believe in Yourself:	not as much as I should
Want to go to College:	I'm already there
Do you Smoke:	No
Do you Drink:	No
Shower Daily:	like every other day
Been in Love:	Yup
Do you Sing:	Yes
Want to get Married:	Sure do
Do you want Children:	Yup
Have your future kids names planned out:	Nope
Age you wanna lose your Virginity:	Um I don't know
Hate anyone:	Hate is a strong word
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Current Mood: amused

Current Music: The T.V.

6:15pm: This is me when I'm bored
Chucks

What kind of shoe are you?

M&M



Your M&Ms! Your random, fun, and spontaneous. Everyone loves you one way or another- peanut, plain, crunchy, peanutbutter. You are a positive person and don't worry about your losses much.



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What Kind of Candy Are You?- With Images!

2:14pm: A lovely poem

Heres a poem.  It's called Together I hope you like it.

 

I'm not staying here

There's nothing here for me

But sadness and death

I want to be with you

 

I want to take it from you, your death

I want it, not just to love you

But to save myself

 

I'm so empty

My whole body hurts

I need you now

When your not here

 

1:41pm: This sux. I'm sitting here crying cuz I miss my boyfriend like crazy. It's only 23 more days untill he gets back and I don't know if I can wait that long. Ever sence he left I've been really depressed. It's not fair. GOD I can't stop crying. Someone help me. I want this pain I'm feeling to go away. Well I'm off.

Twisted_Angel

12:59pm: Sigh

I'm so pathatic.  It hasn't even been a week and I miss my boyfriend like crazy.  I just want him home with me.  Last night sucked cuz I hella broke down and started crying cuz I miss him that much.  *sigh*  Well I think I'm going to go b4 I start to crying again.